In one week I will be done. In one week I will be singing from the mountaintops. In one week I will have submitted my thesis to my committee and I will know that the hardest part is over. And because I will also be in my last week of teaching, in one week I will do the following things:
- finally use that gift card Mike gave me and get a massage (a victory massage instead of a de-stressing massage)
- make this double crust chicken potpie that graced my news feed this morning (it's fate!) and eat it all week long as suggested
- pack a suitcase for a trip to Asheville for my little brother's college graduation
- get a pedicure
- sleep like a baby
- enjoy a mini vacation with my fiancé and celebrate with my family
Here's to one week!
The past few months have felt like a whirlwind. I remember back in August when I was faced with breaking my comfortable routine with Mike and moving into a year of basically living a single girl's life, despite the fact that I had a very serious boyfriend whom would be living 626.5 miles away. I remember feeling very lonely and writing about what I was cooking or the things I was learning about my students so that I could remember the ways in which I felt happy on a fairly regular basis. It felt like it would be forever until May when the academic year ended and Mike and I could move on with whatever was going to come next.
Then suddenly it was the end of January, a month into the new year having flown by because I was on an extended winter break doing pretty much only fun things like getting engaged and visiting friends and planning the wedding. Job opportunities arose and I faced the reality of having to snap back into hardcore graduate student mode, no longer pretending that my part-time job as a lecturer was my primary work in life. I delved into my research and had very busy days, but I ultimately still had down time at the end of the day. And now I'm finished with collecting data, and while that used to seem like most of the battle, I've now realized how daunting it can be to try and make sense of it all, of an entire graduate school career's worth of knowledge in a perfectly organized 75-page paper. Can't the personal knowledge gained just be enough? No, no it can't. And I know that. That's how academia works. And that's why going to graduate school for personal curiosity lead me through an intense reflection of what I wanted and didn't want and the things that make me feel happy and fulfilled.
I'm about a month away from graduating. I feel incredibly annoyed every time I get an email about purchasing a cap and gown. Are you kidding me? I just survived four years of intense work and research and self-discovery and you think I care about prancing around in a cap and gown? No, not in the least. That's what high school and college graduation ceremonies were for. I know better now. I just want my degree, the single piece of paper I'll probably ever be most grateful to have, thank you. And then it's time to hit the road.
I have been trying to fill all of my spare time with school work and thesis writing, but, I know better now. I always carve out a little time to read my Feedly, to read about what all of you other brave people are doing. Reading the hilarious, thoughtful, incredibly honest words of others has done something to me: it's made me feel like I don't need to write. Because you all have already written it, you've already expressed how it feels, and when I read your words I feel relieved that other people understand. That other people feel fulfilled by weekend brunches and spending quality time with their friends, that other people feel lost and escape a daunting task or their stress by baking something over the top and super chocolate-y . That other people burst into tears over something silly, because it's never really about that something silly, is it?
So, thank you, Hannah, Annie, Joy, Sara, Liz, RA, and Janssen. For the time to reflect and the ability to feel connected.
February has been a conflicting month. Having an unusually long winter break that lasted through the month of January meant that I didn't actually return to my little apartment and routine until the second to last day of January. But then there was unpacking to be done and things to get in order, and then it was February. And just like that January had come and gone. And now, so has February.
Mike visited over Valentine's Day and we had the most wonderful weekend. Around Valentine's Day last year we were just coming into a serious relationship and this year we celebrated as an engaged couple! And when I think about that, it seems so surreal just how much can happen in a year. It also makes me feel accomplished and at peace at the same time, seeing how we've grown as a couple and getting a glimpse of what the years ahead will hold. Our celebration this year was a perfect display of that growth. I had to spend the day teaching and in meetings, but Mike came to campus with me. Our hour-long drive home ended up being a three-hour adventure since a heavy snow had quickly blanketed much of Indiana earlier that afternoon, but it was actually kind of wonderful being stuck in the car together travelling 30 mph down the highway. By the time we reached Bloomington at 8 pm we were both ravenous, and we were even more excited than usual for our dinner at My Thai. We headed home, promptly changed into our pjs, made a batch of red and pink m&m chocolate chip cookies while watching a few episodes of Modern Family and were in bed by 11. The rest of the weekend was spent playing with bulldogs, wandering around Indianapolis, and dining at new restaurants and old favorites.
Mike left, but the weather warmed up, and everyone got their first taste of spring. Students were a little less grumpy and very chatty, and it seemed that spring break was right around the corner. I raced toward the end of data collection, and felt like, for once, I had a timeline that I could stick to. And then...it got cold again. But this time windy and cold. And instead of looking forward to light salad or baked potato for dinner, I craved stick-to-your-ribs meals like chicken and dumplings with mashed potatoes and cornbread. I still moved ahead with my research, but when I got home all I wanted to do was curl up with the kittypuss and fall asleep while watching TV.
It's still cold, but the sunshine that now accompanies the cold seems to be reminding us that it can't remain this way much longer. And I've got two weeks' worth of visiting with Mike coming up in March with both of our spring breaks, so I have no choice but to be super productive now. Not to mention, I've got a deadline, people! It feels good to be racing toward the finish line, especially knowing that the last week of March will be filled with visits with family and friends and wedding planning!
